Are you struggling with your role and identity as a stay-at-home mom? Try these 3 mindset shifts to help you thrive as a stay-at-home mom!
I distinctly remember a conversation with a co-worker in which I said, “I will never be a stay-at-home mom.” Not necessarily because I didn’t want to be, but because I didn’t think I could be. I mean, change diapers and take care of kids? Where was the glamor and significance in that? As someone whose identity was deeply rooted in work and my ability to be self-sufficient, trading professional status and income for homemaking and childrearing seemed unappealing.
Fast forward several years while pregnant with my son, my husband and I decided it best that I stay home to raise him. I was truly excited for this new endeavor and was 100% for stay-at-home motherhood, but amid the spit-up and diapers, laundry and physical demands of infant life, I quickly found myself feeling less-than as a mother. Instead of feeling joy and purpose in all I was doing, it felt like a whole bunch of thankless gotta-do’s.
My Insecurities Magnified
This marginalized feeling I had in my role as “just a mom” was magnified when my working friends and family would ask me what was new. My response was always, “Nothing.” Did they really care to hear that my son was now holding his bottle by himself or learned to say mama? It didn’t leave much for conversing, and my inability to connect with much of the outside world left me feeling lonely, isolated, and not all that important.
How the Tides Began to Change
I can’t pinpoint exactly when the tides changed. I think it was a gradual process, as much of my growth and change with Christ has been. When my thoughts shifted from what the world said about motherhood to what God said about my role as a mother, it made all the difference in helping me thrive as a stay-at-home mom, and I think it will for you too.
Major Shifts in Thinking to Help You Thrive as a Stay-at-home Mom:
1. We are all here on assignment. I have an assignment, my children do too, and it’s my job to prepare them for what God has planned for them.
Ephesians 2:10 tells us “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
I believe God has prepared much for my life and yours, but one of the most important good works is to raise Godly children who are equipped to step out in all God has planned for them. When my focus was on myself and what I was getting out of my efforts, I was frustrated, defeated, and felt unimportant. When I shifted my focus to God, I began to understand that my children are really His children. He has entrusted me to raise them in His ways–developing their character and moral integrity, talents, skills and knowledge–so that one day they will step out in faith and accomplish all the good things He has prepared for them.
Knowing God, creator of heaven and earth, has entrusted me to raise His children gives me the purpose and value I was looking for as a mom.
2. God cares that I do the work.
I’ll be honest, motherhood is the ultimate exercise in delayed gratification. We often don’t see the fruit of our labor until many years later. It’s easy to wonder if our efforts are worth it or to let things slide because it doesn’t seem to make a difference in the present moment. But God makes it clear that he cares about how we handle the little day-to-day things and our attitude in them.
Zechariah 4:10 (NLT) says “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” So much of motherhood in the beginning can feel like small beginnings. Changing a diaper, loading the dishwasher or preparing a dinner may not feel like anything of real significance. It’s easy to grow disgruntled and dissatisfied. But being diligent in the little things where God has planted us means everything to Him, and we are passing the test for promotion in the future.
He has trusted us with His children. We must prove faithful by consistently showing up for the calling each and every day. It’s not always easy, and sometimes I fail to show up as my best self, but God’s grace is new every day.
3. God’s plan is family. He wants us to delight in our children.
There is a great deal of scripture in the Bible related to children, and it’s very clear that God’s intent for them is to be a blessing. However, children, especially littles who are still so dependent and require much teaching and reteaching, can be exhausting. It’s easy to fall prey to thinking they are burdensome and forgetting the blessings they were created to be. When we focus only on the challenges, we miss the blessings they bring.
Joel Olsteen wrote that there is a blessing and a burden for every season. If we only wish for the burden to pass and hope for the next season, we miss the blessings in our lives right now.
We can choose to moan and gripe that our child is not yet sleeping through the night, or we can embrace it and know that it’s an opportunity to provide safety and security and build a bond of trust with our child. Don’t get me wrong, sleep is important, and as someone who has not had an uninterrupted night’s sleep in over 2.5 years, I desperately desire a good night’s rest. But I also know this stage is temporary. One day, we won’t be needed for monster checks, leaking diapers, or just the need to see mommy in the middle of the night. So let’s focus on the fact that we are their security, comfort, and helper to any problem they face, and revel in the joy that for this short moment in time we are their everything.
We will never be without challenges and burdens. Our job is to learn to enjoy the blessings while the burdens are there and delight in our children.
Final Thoughts
When I took my focus off of myself and put it on Christ and His Word, the marginalized, defeated mother without a purpose left. It was replaced with a thriving mom who feels valued, strong, and influential. A mom with a clear understanding of her purpose. Motherhood certainly isn’t easy, but I consider myself blessed to show up for the high calling of mom everyday.
Does this resonate with you? Could you use a shift in thinking to help you thrive as a stay-at-home mom? See what the Word of God has to say about it. Find scripture that resonates with you and start speaking it over your life. God’s word is living and active; it will take root and start to change you!