I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have a tendency to look past all that is going right and focus on the one thing going wrong. It inevitably leads me to feeling like a bad mom. Often, it’s a result of comparison or the disconnect between my own expectations and reality. I expected to have the baby weight off by now, but it’s still here. I expected to be a calm and patient mother this time, but I lost my patience again. My kids aren’t as well-behaved as those kids, surely I’m doing something wrong.
I’d reckon I’m not alone here. Research has shown that our ability to remember a negative word or experience is far stronger than than our ability to remember praise and positive events. We are naturally inclined to focus on the negative, real or perceived.
Today’s easy access to information doesn’t help either. As you scroll through social media and read all the expert advice, it’s easy as a mom to feel like you’re falling short of the standard every day. You likely go to these sources for ideas and inspiration but likely leave feeling like you’re missing the mark. Or even worse, like you’re incapable of achieving the mark.
I am here to tell you that you really are doing a good job.
Answer me this…
- Do you love your kids unconditionally?
- Do you provide the best you can for them? That doesn’t mean give them everything they want, but do you do your best to give them what you believe they need?
- Do you continue to show up as a mother day in and day out? Even when you’re tired, sick, or just not up for all the things that are required of you as a mom?
- Do you want what’s best for your children and do your best to make decisions that reflect that?
- If you mess up, do you apologize?
- Are you aware of your shortcomings and graciously working towards being the best version of yourself so you can be the best mom for them?
I firmly believe that if you said yes to any number of these, then you are doing better than you think. You are doing the very best you can with where you are at and what you have right now. You may not be where you want to be, but you certainly aren’t where you started. For that, you should be proud.
So the next time something doesn’t go as planned and you’re feeling like a bad mom, or you find yourself questioning or doubting your abilities as a mother, begin reminding yourself of all the good you are doing. All the ways you are showing up to raise the best kids you can. Fight the natural tendency to focus on the one negative. Instead take the deliberate and intentional action to focus on all the positives. I guarantee, they far outweigh the not-so-good and will be evidence that you are a great mom.
A Final Encouragement
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phillipians 4:8
Looking for more encouragement? Check out Grace and Mercy New Everyday