A 2023 study revealed that 62% of mothers felt a loss of identity from motherhood. I experienced this first hand with the birth of my first child and the decision to stay home to raise him. The throws of new motherhood left me thinking about anything but myself. Coupled with walking away from a career that my identity was deeply rooted to, I felt lost and that I was “just a mom.”
Given the statistics, I think this is a pitfall many mothers fall into–especially new moms. Mothers who decide to stay home have the additional struggle of walking away from a career. As a mom, getting bogged down with the needs of everyone else and forgetting about your own is common. I believe that one of the greatest things moms can do for their own self-care and well being is to take time to reflect on their wants, needs and desires. This helps to keep them tied to their personal identity and not feel as lost during this major life transition.
How to Begin Rediscovering Yourself Beyond Motherhood
Step 1: Journal
One way to get started reflecting on your own wants and needs is to journal while pondering different questions. So grab a journal, your favorite pen or pencil, maybe a coffee or a tea, and cozy up in your favorite spot. Allow yourself as much time as you need to reflect on the following:
If you had a full day of freedom, what would you do?
Really think about it. Write anything that comes to mind. If you change your mind about an item, simply cross it off your list and then keep going.
Step 2: Reflect and Analyze
It’s fun to dream and let our minds go, but I feel this next step is just as important and not to be ignored. Once you’ve planned your perfect day, I encourage you to read it over and look for common themes. These can often be quite telling of many things, including:
Your Personality Type
Are the activities you listed filled with other people or time spent alone? This can help show if you’re an introvert or extrovert.
Your Values
Look at the activities. Do they seem similar? Maybe you’d spend your day baking or testing new recipes in the kitchen. Perhaps you’d love to craft, paint or create. Creative expression is important to you. Maybe you’d love to spend your morning hiking and then grabbing lunch at your favorite healthy food spot. You clearly value physical health and well-being. Look for common themes and see if it points to areas you value.
Your Passions, Hobbies, and Interests
Just as the list can show what you value, it can also show your passions, hobbies and interests.
Your Dreams and Goals
Perhaps some of the things on your list are so far from reality that they are, right now, just a dream. But can you take some of those items and turn them into some long or short-term goals?
Help and Support You Need but Aren’t Receiving
If you find things on your list like, “organize the pantry” or “declutter the closets” but you don’t really enjoy these things, it could signal an important need for order and peace in your surroundings but the lack of time to do it. This can be great insight showing that this is important to you, but that help from others is required. You can then take time to plan how you might get the help and support you need.
Final Thoughts
I firmly believe that “mother” is one of the most important titles we will ever hold, but it’s important to remember that you are more than just a mom. If you find yourself getting stuck in the identity of “just a mom,” I encourage you to start taking some time alone to journal and reflect on the things that are important to you. Responding to prompts like today’s are great starting points to show you that you really are more than just a mom. You are your own unique person with dreams, talents, and needs that long to be expressed. And it’s possible to do so while still being a mom. 🙂
Interested in reading more? Check out the following:
How to Thrive as a Stay-At-Home Mom: Mindset Shifts